#LBMlive you heard it here last.

In fact large chunks of this year have been the crappest ever for me mentally. Tonight, listening to the room full of people fired me back just at the right moment. 

I was not even feeling particularly down, I am just burnt out and knackered after a year of feeling particularly down. Around this time last year I was in a bad way, I had only just plucked up the balls to admit something might not be going in the right direction. 

Then confided in a wise mate who said “I have been looking for a way to say you should get some help…” – which, quite frankly was nice to hear. I thought I was just a pussy wimp and really stupid. 

As I said at an event when I was talking about this – don’t send any money, feel sorry for me or organise Live Aid, this is painful AND a good thing at the same time. It has brought out the best in and already amazing network and friends group. I have woken up parts of my brain that I did not know existed and I know I am heading in a much better direction. 

Mitch Joel and Andy Bargery were talking at the front! people were asking questions and I remembered that I had not written a word in over a week. In fact actually getting out the house today was really really really hard.

This week has been crap, and what have I got to look forward to? 

Actually this week is one of the best weeks this year.

The resistance had taken hold, or rather I had allowed the resistance to take hold and had slowed down my whole repair process, forgotten all the good parts of the books I have read. 

I kind of blamed it on not having a cell phone to listen to podcasts on. 

Which of course is the RESISTANCE in full force! Also at this stage of the game I this type of slacker excuse is sadness, certainly podcasts help but I am at the very edge of my own work now. 

I have travelled through my comfort zone (warts and all) and I am on the other side, I have been on the other side for a while and jumping off is a daily task. In fact jumping off is excellent fun and very very very scary. 

Jumping off is writting blogs like this that are just a flow of words, a few ideas, no particular attention to grammar and relying on a spell check. 

I am writting this on an ipad, on a central line trian standing by the carriage end window leaning on my bag. 

I know Inwant to make a point, and just posting this is making that point. 

One of the things I hate about myself is when I say one thing and do another. I often tell people that every time I write a podcast or send an email newsletter something great happens, this is TRUE. 

The problem is this – so much “stuff” gets in the way of doing this. Of course by “stuff” I mean, eating, drinking, being busy being depressed, having my phone stolen, tooth ache, not the right soya milk in the Super Market, explaining the internet AGAIN to my Dad, going through my diary and trying to work out what to knock out so I can do what I have to do. 

Who keeps putting all this other stuff in here? Eh? Oh I do. 

So then I look people in the eye and tell them “every time I send an email or post a blog something cool happens” – it does. Like trips to San Francisco to meet Seth Godin and Lisa Gansky. 

What I am mad about it that I don’t do it more, when actually it is the easiest part of everything.
I never get “talkers block” “Internet surfing block” “eating block” and I spend ALL day thinking about writing and don’t do enough.

Anyway my stop is here and I have to make myself press PUBLISH 😉