Frozen in the middle…..

One of the things that stops me writing here openly is that I worry what people will think. 

Phew, there I have said it.

Out of jail.
I have acres of prime time content that has never seen the light of day because I am worried that someone won’t like it. 
Actually when someone does not like something or says it to my face I NEVER get upset, (ok it hurts but actually it is only one or two people in the whole world that I really ‘get upset’ by 😉 
I STRIVE to be constructive so I always ask opinion, in fact you will hear me actively asking people if they disagree.
This is not a new thing. 
When I was a waiter and bartender I’d ask people – “is everything good with your meal?” Of course 99.9% of the time everything was GREAT.
But then I’d ask if there was one thing we could make even better what would it be? 

Frozen in the middle
Then maybe I’d push a bit more and ONLY THEN would people say “there is a dead cat in my salad” or “my burger is still frozen in the middle” or “my child just choked to death on an earring that was in their ice cream.”
By asking people their opinion you begin to recognise the world into the beautiful eclectic mix it is.
If someone wants to set fire to someone because of their skin colour or beat them because of their sexual orientation I’ll disagree with and have no time for it. Even those shit jokes:-
“I am not being funny.. BUT” “I have got nothing against (insert ethnic / sexual orientation / religious group here) BUT those are the people that….” (insert killer funny line)”
In my “opinion” this is not opinion this is fear, weakness and domination – not funny. 
Of course these are extremes.
Friction and opinion are life giving and help combat the greater evils like prejudice in our world.
It is when people are uniform, conform and sleep walking that bad things happen.
There was a time when you could tell the difference between political parties – now they are all the same, in the UK most of the politicians went to the same school at the same time.
And most of them would be better on Big Brother than sharing a meal with Mandela or Ghandi. 
About today and where this came from.
So, I have wondered into several life giving conversations recently on my podcast an on benches outside coffee shops.
Also I am now sick to the back teeth of being depressed, it is agony – I am not looking for your sympathy or indulgence. 
There is the me you are reading here and those of you that have to work with me get this me. Then there is the old me which was “everything is GREAT” that was the me that was dying inside puked up nearly every other morning because he was soooo fucking stressed. 
Sorry I was going to say where this came from
I am angry, mostly at myself because I have been trying to work this out and instead of working it out it turns out that I have been indulging the most destructive self absorbed part of me.
Which has led to fear and more fear and more fear and what will people think and OMG I can’t move. Of course this is shit for me and shit for the people near me. 
I battle hard and sometimes I accidentally pick the wrong battle for the day. However, this week I have chosen the right battles, mainly because I have asked for help. (Imagine that). 
The other big ballsy choice I have made is to blog here everyday. I often joke that “I’d blog even if no one read it” and then I don’t blog in case someone does read it. 
The thing is this, a very large portion of the people I hangout with I’d have this type of conversation with anyway. I don’t work for some dumb fuck sheep walking corporation so I am not going to get fired by some stupid pen pushing boss. 
All the people I hang out with who happen to work in dumb fuck sheep walking corporation’s are out to change the world anyway and have certainly not signed up to sleep walk themselves from 9-5 and into retirement. 
I am taken by working out loud, my working out loud. So I am going to blog here everyday OUT LOUD.
Of course 99% of it will be bollox, but this is how I’ll get to my 1984, my Shaw Shank Redemption, my Icarus Deception or Ziggy Stardust. 
If you are reading this please remind me that I need to be here everyday. 
I am not attention seeking or building an audience to flog something later, I am just asking for help to kick some arse like I know I can. 
Time to hit publish, in fact it took longer to hit publish than it did to write this 😉
See you tomorrow! 😉
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