My big screen on my desk at 90 Main Yard has a cute picture – “Be the change you want to see” – I would like not to be an arsehole – but I am.
I’d like to see a world with fewer arseholes in it.
For those of you near me I am working on this – NOT being an arsehole that is.
It is very tempting to make the picture for this post an actual arsehole, but then I am sure you’d think I am even more of one.
Over the last few weeks, I have been drilling my head to find the line between energy with firm intention versus being an over-assertive loud mouth arsehole.
Julie Rees got me thinking about this last year when her and Neil Brook ran a workshop for OuiShare London at 90 Main Yard on ‘clean language’ and clear communication.
This thinking is also coming up as I attempt to follow Orwell’s Five Rules of Writing – basically cut out all the bollox, the Hemingway App helps this too.
‘Clean language’ is a slightly annoying way of asking questions and seeking clarification, so we are all clear about what is going to happen, where we are and what each other’s expectations are – doing this is far less annoying in the long run.
For example, the OuiShare Community met in Italy last week, and people had different ideas about why we were there.
Please note I had no idea why I was there, I was going along because a higher cosmic voice sent me there.
People thought it was a conference, coworking, group holiday, significant decision-making time, a chance to get away from London and Paris.
My point is we all had a different idea and expectation.
Where was I going with this?
Ah, here I am.
So trying – did I write the word ‘trying’? Sorry.
Such is my habit to be ‘NICE’ and exercise my pleasing drama to its full capacity I end up pissing people off – which is not what I set out to do. I am too sweet for that.
It is incredible how much fucking fluff I put in the way and how un-proficient I am at articulating my point or intention.
(BTW I am working on this – stay with me)
Tools like ‘Clean language’ ‘Scrum / Agile’ (trello) asking better questions, meditation and also writing A LOT are sending me in a terrifying direction – fear not it is a good one!
Setting out to change me is harder than it sounds. Well, that is how it seems to me.
Stop doing all these dumb things and start doing things that are not dumb.
How hard can that be?
It is easy until old hardcore habits kick in.
You will read it takes 60 days / 14 days / 90 days and 90 years to develop a habit, and then people have similar opinions on how to break old habits.
Getting up early, meditating and writing on 750words.com every day has been ‘hard-ish’ it took effort and a bit of discipline.
Changing my mental behaviour is where the battle is. I am keen to kick my ‘I’m depressed’ line, no matter what you are qualified to say or what your armchair opinion is I am sure it is a crap habit to develop.
However, I think it is imperative to be open and honest about it.
This has served me well.
People who thought I was a sickly, miserable arsehole have been able to give me a label. People who have been through similar things have become close to me.
We have stopped talking about the weather and the journey here and got down to something decent.
Best of all I have been able to become very self-aware, and this grows more every day.
I have learnt what I put in my body matters and when I work matters, what I say yes to matters. That is a lot of ‘matters’.
I reached a level of FEAR and bounced so very very very low that bouncing back up really high was the only way to go. I am sure that the velocity that I bounced up with meant that a lot of crap was pulled away too.
So I am working on being the change I want to see.
There is a massive danger of sounding like a righteous prick walking around saying this, what I’m looking for is micro changes – being dependable, having positive energy and a smile, self-belief and conviction, not to moan and whimper.
Of course, I still muck all these things up but what I see is the gap between stimulus and response is getting wiser, kinder and slightly less reactive.
Why is it that sorry seems to be the hardest word?
