This picture is a sneek look into our Ouishare ‘Clean language and Collaboration’ workshop with Judy and Neil.
What has this got to do with working out loud?
Two key take always for me were around feed back and ‘why are we here?’
I stress and stress about asking for feedback and giving it. Some of the people I love to work with are great at giving invigorating and constructive feedback.
For example Andy Bargey and Steve Trister are great at telling you like it is and leaving you ready to progress.
Others begin with “this is not meant to be personal” and then stick it to you personally.
I am in constant mortal fear of being in the second one and end up doing it even more. I look for the place to separate ‘what I was annoyed by because it’s me’ and ‘what could help this person progress’ – there is a very big difference between behind a moody snot head and a constructive coworker.
The solution
We ran some exercises which and the easy question to ask people is…, drum roll…. “What sort of feedback are you looking for?” – it that it?
Wow – since then I have discovered people don’t know what feedback they are looking for.
I did not.
I just thought I needed to ask for feedback, and I did it in such a manner that people – apart from Andy and Steve of course – were left with one hand ready to call an ambulance and the other hand on a glass with a stiff drink in it for when I collapsed in front of them.
Listening
Since the workshop I have had more energy.
How?
I dropped my over compensating self talk and jumped to a place of putting effort into listening.
Listening is hard for me.
I certainly do not mean “Silly me! I must listen more! – sorry what did you say?”
I mean that it is so fucking important. I have worked with and been the person who is given the privilege of gold star feedback, advice, help, guidance and just not been able to accept it.
(Stay tuned for “if at first you don’t succeed do it the way your wife told you” coming soon.)
There are a couple of people that even if Nelson Mandela set fire to their children in front of them would think they were right and carry on.
I was scared of being like this.
I still am a bit. I’d always want to be the Peter Ustinov or Victoria Wood of any community than the loud car-crash ego maniac self promoting wank arse pink shirt wearing OBE chasing zombie it is possible to become when someone gives you a microphone and more than 50 twitter followers.
So why are we here?
We began the day with Neil and Judy asking a series of questions about how we work at our best and what did we really want from the day. I worked with Phil Dodson one of the partners in crime on #icollday – while our values are on the same page we both had different interpretations of what each other wanted from the day. Nothing evil of horrific, after being a bit more clearer we found out how to help each other better.
It is tempting to make a joke here – and believe me I am trying very hard not to!
Instead consider the value of letting people know what you are doing, where you need help and then they are able to offer you more accurate input and save their own energy.
If you are prepared to listen that is.
Sent from my mobile device – excuse any typos
