Why Most People Quit Before They Succeed—and How to Avoid It
The Long Game of Coworking & Community Building.
Why Rituals, Systems, and the Infinite Game Matter More Than Quick Wins
Most coworking spaces abandon building trust too soon, but it’s an infinite game.
Did you know it takes 20 emails that people read before someone trusts you enough to buy from you?
You can’t just send 20 emails and you’re done - people must read 20, not just receive them.
Quit by email 11, and you’ve already lost.
I’ve worked with many coworking spaces that start strong with a newsletter, sending weekly emails to thousands of people.
But when memberships don’t sell right away, they stop.
They lose interest, pivot to something new, and start over.
But can you imagine the power of consistently emailing every week?
Building trust, showing up, and staying top of mind?
It’s not glamorous, but it works.
This pattern isn’t unique to newsletters.
- People start podcasts and quit before 10 episodes.
- They launch products, post on LinkedIn for a month, and then give up.
Why?
Because it’s hard to stick with something when the results aren’t immediate.
That’s where rituals, systems, and the infinite game mindset come in.
They’re not about quick wins.
They’re about staying anchored, staying consistent, and building something that lasts.
Rituals Anchor Us When We’re Lost
When you wake up feeling off—confused, distracted, or unsure of what to do—it’s easy to spiral into overwhelm or waste time on distractions.
That’s where rituals come in.
Rituals aren’t just habits.
They’re anchors that keep you grounded, no matter your mood.
My morning ritual uses the Hero On A Mission app to set three daily priorities and revisit my goals and vision.
Whether I wake up tired, happy, or frustrated, this small act helps me focus on what truly matters.
(I still fall off the rails, get distracted and end up eating ice cream for lunch - but I know where to look to get back to the plan!)
The key? Choose to stick to your ritual, even when you don’t like it.
It’s not just about discipline—it’s about creating a system that pulls you back on track, one step at a time.
Just like rituals anchor us personally, consistency anchors a community.
That’s why coworking and community building isn’t about quick fixes—it’s about treating it as an infinite game; for me, writing is also an ‘infinite’ game.
The Infinite Game: A Misunderstood Concept with Powerful Roots
I’m so reluctant to use the term infinite game because it’s been overused, flogged to death and watered down by bullshit business influencers in recent years.
The phrase has started to carry a bit of a "bro-business" connotation, evoking visions of endless toxic hustle culture and vague motivational posters.
📽️ Brotopia: Breaking Up the Boys' Club of Silicon Valley - Emilly Chang
(Especially the part about the Playboy Centrefold named Lena!)
But the truth is, the infinite game concept itself is significant—when you trace it back to its origins.
The term infinite game comes from James P. Carse’s 1986 book Finite and Infinite Games. Carse, a philosopher and theologian, laid out a profound distinction:
- Finite games are played to win. They have clear rules, defined players, and an endpoint.
Think of a football match or negotiation with the goal of "closing the deal." - Infinite games, on the other hand, have no fixed rules or endpoints.
The goal isn’t to win—it’s to keep the game going.
Infinite games are about sustaining something greater than yourself: building trust, fostering connection, or advancing a cause.
Carse wasn’t talking about quarterly profits or personal branding; he was describing a way of thinking that values resilience, purpose, and adaptability over short-term victories.
The infinite game isn’t a tool for "winning business" or "dominating the market."
It’s a framework for seeing life—and work—as an ongoing, evolving pursuit of something meaningful.
Coworking as an Infinite Game
Running a coworking space—or any creative project—isn’t about quick wins.
It’s about playing the infinite game.
You’re not just leasing desks or sending emails.
You’re building a community, creating trust and connections that grow over time.
This is where most people struggle.
They dive in with enthusiasm (uninformed optimism), hit their first challenges (informed pessimism), and then hit a wall—the Valley of Despair.
This comes from Kelley and Conner's Emotional Cycle of Change. I first found this in the 12-week Year framework back in 2018, and it explained a lot to me about my ups and downs in trying to get things done.
That’s where the real work begins. Sticking through that dip, continuing to show up even when progress feels invisible, separates long-term success from quick failure.
If you commit to the infinite game, the results will come.
But it takes time, trust, and a willingness to stick it out longer than the next person.
Simple Systems Create Big Wins
In the 1990s, I waited tables at a Terence Conran restaurant near Tower Bridge in London, where I witnessed firsthand the vital role of preparation.
We had mise en place drummed into us at Catering College, but it all moved 100 times faster in real life at Terence Conran's place.
The chefs lived by mise en place—” everything in its place.”
Every ingredient was prepped perfectly before service started.
There was no room for shortcuts because when service started, it never stopped.
The real skill of a hospitality team like this, both line cooks and floor staff, is delivering the same experience in rapid short bursts and maintaining consistency.
Later, when I worked in the kitchen at Brasserie Rocque in Broadgate Circle, my job was risotto, and the pace was even faster than Terence’s joint.
Every single fucking lunch, I made risotto. (I’m amazing at it, BTW!) 🥰
It wasn’t glamorous—sweating over a cutting board, knife in hand, endlessly dicing shallots into perfect, uniform pieces.
Stock simmering, butter cold enough to hold its shape but soft enough to melt like a whisper into the pan.
And in the heat of lunch service, I loved knowing I’d got it right on that dish that shot out to the restaurant.
These weren’t just steps; they were rituals—but of course, as a 20-something cook, I would not have called them that.
Consistency was everything.
I see the same with coworking and creativity, and I love talking with other ‘catering industry survivors’ in coworking, like Charlie and Stephen, about the connections.
Systems like a five-day calendar, a Friday buffer day, or a daily journaling ritual remove chaos and create space for clarity.
They might seem small, but they build momentum—and that’s what leads to big wins.
Takeaways: How to Stick with the Infinite Game
Pick One Ritual: Start your day with something that anchors you, like setting three priorities or journaling your wins. Rituals make it easier to keep going when things get tough.
Stick with It: Commit to at least 12 weeks before deciding whether to continue. Most success comes after pushing through the most complex parts.
Create Simple Systems: Identify one area where better preparation—your “mise en place”—can make your day easier and more productive.
Engage Your Community Consistently: Start a weekly newsletter or host a small event. For coworking operators, this could mean something as simple as a community lunch every Thursday at 1 pm.
With European Coworking Day coming up in May, you can work with others to hold a small event in your space to bring people together and build trust.
Coworking Community Builder Cohort
Rituals and systems aren’t about doing more—they’re about cutting through the noise and finding clarity.
In the Coworking Community Builder Cohort, we discuss self-organisation: creating the space, systems, and support to focus on what truly matters.
Running a coworking space isn’t just overwhelming—it’s isolating.
You’re juggling daily operations, growing a community, and making decisions that feel impossible to delegate.
You’re doing it all, and sometimes - most of the time - it feels like no one else understands what it takes.
But some people do.
Find the others - you don’t have to do this alone.
The Coworking Community Builder Cohort is where these struggles meet real solutions.
It’s not a magic wand—it’s a place to work alongside other operators who get it.
Together, we build systems that simplify the chaos and create clarity out of the noise.
In our sessions, we focus on how to stay anchored when everything feels overwhelming so you can focus on what truly matters: growing your community, strengthening your purpose, and building something that lasts.
People like Caroline, Melissa, Anne-Marie, and Edy joined the last cohort, feeling the exact weight of isolation and being overwhelmed.
Together, we untangled their chaos, built sustainable systems, and created momentum that strengthened their coworking spaces and their roles as leaders.
You don’t need another shiny app, a gimmick, or a one-size-fits-all solution. You need clarity.
We all need systems that work for us and how we think.
And you need a community that understands the highs and lows of this work.
Whether writing a newsletter, hosting community lunches, or creating a morning ritual, success comes from small, consistent actions over time.
Rituals and systems aren’t about doing more.
They’re about cutting through the noise and creating space for what matters.
The Coworking Community Builder Cohort is where this clarity is available for you.
It’s not about adding more to your plate—it’s about sharpening your focus, building momentum, and confidently leading your community.
Find the others - you don’t have to do this alone.
— Bernie 💚
Coworking Strategist, Creator, & enthusiastic risotto maker.
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