Now I Think I Know What I Am Doing

Somewhere earlier in this blog, I wrote about 12 Weeks being agony and often this makes me think what was happening before.

Life has never been so good.

Hang on, stick with me.

You won’t need a sick bucket for this bit.

It is just not so manic now.

‘Manic’ is a word used out of context; I have a few close friends who are bipolar and manic has a whole different meaning for them.

Where I grew up in Essex people would often say ‘Mate. It’s ¬£ucking MANIC down at Lakeside Shopping Centre today!’

To one of my friends ‘manic’ meant hardly sleeping for a couple of years while they completed a PhD with flying colours in record time.

Then they crashed. Down. Massively, into the other end of manic.

Now I have been up here for a while.

When I got to week six of this 12 Week Year run I went wobbly.I wanted to be strong and stable, but I wobbled.

It all seemed to be working, and I felt shit. It was because everything had started to work and inside a part of me was unprepared for this. The job of that part for YEARS had been to hold back and fuel self-destruction.

In the last few weeks, I have had to perform ‘change management’ on myself and then realised I was on my way through what Kelly and Conner call ‘The Emotional Cycle of Change‘, which is detailed in the 12 Week Year book.

The cycle has five stages:
Stage 1: Uninformed optimism.
Stage 2: Informed pessimism.
Stage 3: Hopeful realism.
Stage 4: Informed optimism.
Stage 5: Completion.

My current area is Stage Four. Which sounds great but I find hard to know what to do, even with all the tools my ‘Bernie belt’ and support of @WorkHubs around me.

Being at the informed optimism stage means I know enough, which means for right now I don’t need to find out anything else.

Let me explain that a little bit more.
For the next couple of weeks, there can be no new moving parts, however attractive.
Then after OuiShare Fest in Paris, the next 12 Weeks begins, and I have already decided to work deeper into what I am doing now.

Between Meet Up’s we run @WorkHubs, apps and gadgets and Fizzle and Authority I don’t need to look anywhere else.

There is joy in repetition and life is urgent
For sixty episodes Phil and I have gleefully pulled together the @WorkHubs podcast, and the title of the post you are reading comes from the episode this week – Not So Manic Now.

It’s inspired by the combination of the song by Dubstar, the last few weeks of terror attacks, election terror and Glenfall Tower.

I also read Brendon Cox’s book about his wife Jo Cox, which has inspired over 100K street parties and get together’s¬†across the UK in the last few days.

Brendon’s story had me walking around with a lump the size of an elephant in the back of my throat as I choked back the tears.

I downloaded it from Audible when I got back from the local street party near @WorkHubs in Euston.

The Dubstar song is both horrific and calming at the same time. I have been listening to it for years to make myself cry and put myself back together.

This week it moved me to a quiet mode of urgent action that I have always craved.
Now I Think I Know What I Am Doing
I can’t explain it here, yet.
It has a lot to do with finding my voice and knowing what to do.

I’d go so far as to say I am not afraid anymore.

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