12 Week Agony = Good Agony
Sometimes I feel like I am complaining about breaking a fingernail when I write like this.
When you run or do something physical people can see your agony and see you getting there and you have something to show.
People in my orbit like Simon, Judy and Chris who run and push themselves will know what I mean when I say agony, it’s a good agony.
It is the pushing through and ignoring the screaming pleas of learned helplessness that are so alluring when we feel a little down or are trying something new.
In Your Head. Zombie
Dealing with your head is not something people can see.
I don’t look any different to how I was 8 weeks ago and sometimes I am not sure I have made any progress.
Ok, there are more podcasts, blogs and email newsletters and I am tracking my miserable life in an app called Exist and with a trello plugin called Burndown so actually I do know I am getting somewhere, even if I don’t want to.
You mentioned about your son…
Ah! Sorry.
Yesterday we had a Mexican Stand Off over homework, five words to be read and put into the right sentence turned into a three-hour epic.
I am not here to write an entertaining story at #Babybernie’s expense, more to highlight the stages of avoidance, joking, frustration, anger, denial, self-delusion that happened in the three hours, that ended in him choosing to sit down on #Supercoolwife’s lap and doing the whole thing in ten minutes.
This three hours felt like my 12 weeks, many days I am kicking, screaming, stopping and starting.
This is exhausting, dripping with negative energy and frustration.
Daily Practice
The days when I dive in before my head has a chance to question anything are the days when I produce something meaningful.
It goes like this: fifteen minutes reading, ten minutes of Spanish app and elevate app followed by 20 minutes meditation and then writing in 750 Words.
It is worth noting this all works like a charm when done early in the morning and before I leave home. Try and do this whole routine later and it takes three hours of kicking and screaming.
TAGteam
I knew #Babybernie was frustrated yesterday, even if he did articulate it in a colourful way.
As #Supercoolwife and I tag teamed the homework journey I was scared, but not surprised.
Not Suprised. I know I do it.
He looked desperate and painful, he would not let us help him.
I was Scared because I still do this.
The Allure Of Stuck
The amount of bloody energy it takes to avoid doing something is huge compared with the positive charge of doing it.
Yet the pull and allure of staying stuck appear much more rewarding, this is the little area here is where the reward and agony are in my 12 week year commitment.
Sticking to the daily practice with a little every day is building the most solid foundation I have ever had.
Before I would have saved all this up to blow in one drama, now I am caring for it and accepting help on the way.
How is your week?
What are you working on?
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