I am very sure that porn and inspirational quotes are what keep the internet going, we’d hate to admit it but what teenage boys thrive off is also what most of the human race with access to the internet seeks out.
Every time I stick a few words over a picture it seems to propel what ever message I am pimping that week, it also annoys the hell out of me that posting a quote on twitter early in the morning is certain way to get a few early morning RT’s (Re-tweets) – while we are here can you tell me how people meaning to ‘RT’ sometimes manage to write ‘MT’ by mistake? If it was ‘ET’ or ‘FR’ I could get it but ‘RT’ are NEXT to each other on my keyboard. I need to find out, it does keep me awake at night more than I’d care to admit on a blog with four readers.
The other thing I need to know is what to do.
Lots of those quotes say things like ‘If you have a plan A it means you don’t believe in plan B’ – and the more experience I gain the stronger my conviction is that it is better to ask ‘forgiveness than permission’ (unless you are an axe murderer or BBC Radio DJ from the ’80’s) and for me this is routed in focus.
There are a few things to consider here about me personally, as fiercely strong, macho and independent as I’d like you to perceive me as I am deeply flawed mentally and physically – no matter how many pink business shirts, sunbeds and Amazon number ones best sellers you could produce of me there would always be a back log.
That back log is created by my lack of focus and, back to the macho bit, sitting in a room every Monday talking things through with a therapist and poppoing two anti-depressant tablets every day for nearly two years has really helped. ‘I don’t need help’ is such a dumb thing to say, well if you are writing a book and need time to think or carrying the shopping and have it covered that is ok. If you life keeps ending up in train wrecks, tears, anger, broken relationships and awkward conversations at work – ask for a bit of help. I know people who, it seems, would rather die than ask for help and by die I don’t mean jump off the Golden Gate Bridge – I mean self destruct and perpetuate even more misery around than say ‘can you give me a hand please?’
Back to Plan B
Sorry to hard on about this – saying no really works for me. Of course I am adaptable. I have much more time to think clearly and be adaptable now I say no to so many things.
I am also able to focus, of course I get hit by anxiety and I am learning put in the bottom drawn and ignore. It used to be full of unopened envelopes from companies like Barclaycard threatening to take my child away if I did not pay my credit bill – (I am still paying for bar tabs at the Road House in Covent Garden from the last century.) Every time I opened one of those envelopes it was like a very angry Robert De Niro would walk up behind me and smack me on the back of the legs with a baseball bat.
Now I can stamp on anxiety better and think and focus I am even less willing to spent time on a plan B. If you are reading this and thinking ‘well that is very dumb and arrogant of you Mitchell’ you are missing the point.
Before I would think ‘I have plan A and plan B’ so nothing can go wrong, now I acting from a place of this is what I am going to do and have faith in myself to make it work, when I get to a point where it is not working I will know sooner because I am more awake, adaptable and, in the absences of a plan B much less cock sure and comfortable.
I am sure you’ll want to disagree with me, so and your objections below.
The mate I was chatting with on the phone at the beginning of yesterdays blog was asking me how I have sorted myself out and it came down to say no.
I think that would be my advice for now.
Let’s break that down a bit.
Saying no to seeing Elton John five night in a row in Las Vegas is not huge self-discipline, saying no to sleeping with your boss when you know it will all end up a mess because you are married to his sister and he has a long-standing boyfriend is just common sense – unless you are in a Soap Opera on TV.
Having a rule that unless it fits into what you have committed to already you won’t be doing it works really well, and you have to watch out for things creeping in that seem ok, going for coffee to hear about a new idea, saying you will help on the new idea before it even know if it is an idea.
Being a ‘speaker’ always appealed to me, standing in front of a room full of people who would laugh at my shit jokes and even challenge what I’d said was huge buzz and certainly fuelled my ego. I’d spend so much time preparing and panicking it took too much time away from core things, like-wise organising events and even my beloved TAGtribe was too shiny and distracting.
There is very small core of people I work with (mainly because they let me) and because they know what not to give me
This way I escape having to do tiresome ‘business development’, go to wanky networking events or have endless coffee’s with people trying to pick my brains and me thinking they are going to hire me.
I am sure there was something else…
Have a great day – see you tomorrow!
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