I thought I was doomed, weird and broken, now I know there are others like me
We are the unemployable.
There are a lot of us around, and most of us have read the Cluetrain Manifesto. It’s our guide. . I was playing golf with podcasting legend Neville Hobson a few years ago and he proudly said ‘I’m unemployable’.
I thought, “Neville you drive an Audi, wear jumpers without logos and open doors for ladies – how can you be unemployable?”
Then we started to talk about tech, leadership and sales – I could see how he would piss people off very fast. Well, let me clarify that – he’d piss off the people who were committed to the status quo, collecting a pay cheque and playing their cards close to their chest.
Over the last year, I began to wonder how employable I had become.
Then I looked back at all my life – getting jobs was easy.
Keeping those jobs?
98% of the people who have fired me have rehired me and 99% of the people who have fired me remained my friend. In fact, a lot of those people came to our wedding.
I have been invited to some very decent interviews over the years – think Cloud companies, San Francisco and so on – even when I sat down to lunch with the VP of whatever it was, I chatted and had fun but I just could not be bothered.
I did not sit at the table thinking, “I can’t be bothered,” but the venom was not there, no fire in the belly. . I did not find myself scribbling in little books, making mind maps and losing track of time like I do with other things.
“Flow and grit?” you ask.
I don’t know what that either is but I clench my teeth, type faster and feel happy when I write it.
Suddenly I am not day dreaming or losing concentration – I have huge problems to solve and I am finding newer, faster ways everyday.
I was on the phone with my mate Ann Hawkins just now and in my best “super-cheese-self-development-guru” voice said, “You know what Ann, I manifested my dreams and the law of attraction opened up the universe to provide for me!”
The next thing I knew, Ann appeared in front of me and started to smash me round the face with a huge wet fish that she had filled with concrete. ‘Don’t talk bollocks Mitchell!’
I explained it was just an impression I was doing, which was awkward as I was in a kids’ playground with #babybernie and now the side of my skull was hanging off and I was dripping blood on his Spiderman Scooter.
She quickly cleaned me up and fashioned a head bandage out of an eventbrite t-shirt she had in the back of her car.
I cleaned the blood from the screen of my iphone and opened up iTunes.
“So this is what you mean by the universe and all that Bernie?” asked Ann with the same air of suspicion used by a treasury agent when politicians hand in their expense claim forms.
A twig snapped behind me and there was a cough.
“Nelson!” I said excitedly.
“Have you met Ann?”
“Who are you talking to Bernie?”
“There is no one there, Bernie.”
“She, er, was.”
“I heard everything was going your way,” said Nelson as he took off his sandal to remove a stone.“People will think you are mad if you stand in kids’ playgrounds talking to yourself. And why have you got a Sainsbury’s bag on your head?”
“Aren’t we talking Nelson?”
“No, I am on the screen of your computer as you type so you can fill in gaps between the good stuff, if you regurgitate the three quotes you know from me you can look as though you are smarter than you are. Besides it is more comfortable for you to get me to say smart things than say them yourself”
“How do you know?“
“Well, dick head, that is what you just did.”
“So Ann was not in the play ground?”
“The eventbrite t-shirt and the smack on the side of the head?”
“That was #babybernie on the rope swing, you looked down at your phone and he crashed into you. Then you put a bag on your head – I don’t know why.
90 Days of Massive Action #3
Any massive action today?” Asked Nelson.
“Yes, I called Sarah and Alex at Echo so see about the Echo++ and if it is a fit for my product idea.I went through my ‘what not to do list’ and cut out a load more things, so now I am down to a core plan of landing pages, email and podcast interviews – the next time I can work in a block is on Saturday morning. “
“I am not sure what that means, Bernie, but it sounds good. You seem to have lost your energy on this blog.”
‘No, I want to go for a run, I am sitting here in my shorts and knee support and want to run around the block before the feeling goes. I have waited AGES to be inspired to get off my cute little butt and run. ‘
More tomorrow – thanks for reading!
‘Anything else Nelson?”
“Keep going! That’s what Brian says at the end of his Unemployable podcast.”
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