Rescue Me

So when in doubt write.

Somewhere I lost my rhythm today. I think I lost my rhythm sometime on Saturday night. I was heading for a good nights sleep and woke up Sunday feeling like I’d been in a drinking competition and lost.

The main spanner in the works is that I do my best work in the morning and then fade off in the afternoon. I can leap out of bed at 6am and then by the time I get to 3pm (now) I am either falling asleep or just can’t focus.

Even though I have a well thought out list in Trello I might as well be drunk the way I feel. Of course I am not drunk I am on top of the world!

Just to clarify: I am not on top of the world because I am drunk. In fact far from it, the last time I was drunk was the end of 2012 and then it was all downhill from there.

I am on top of the world because I have made it to this far into January 2015 feeling calm and purposeful. Every time one of those ugly little self-destruct depression enchanting vibes jumps up I manage to flick it back down. Even better than that I flick it back down without hesitation – no indolent procrastinations.

This is the first January since I was a child that I have not felt an overwhelming sense of dread and despair following Christmas. I was out walking yesterday and noticed the atmosphere and aroma in the air were the combination that sends me into misery. I was fine, I felt the feeling and carried on being happy, I did not have to force myself to deal with it. The dread came and went on less than a second and I was free.

A couple of people have asked if I am ok, they say I am quiet and not my usual self. I am quiet because I feel so deliciously calm and mellow. It pains me to say this but the absence of alcohol and coffee has cleared my “head fog” and dropped my anxiety level to way below zero. I know what is going to happen because I am able to think about it, I am able to walk through an area and not scanning espresso bars.

The no coffee feeling is like when I quit smoking, I had MORE TIME. I had more time because my agenda stopped being governed by when I could have a cigarette, where to buy them, did I have enough left? Who could I ask if I ran out? , Did I owe them? There is a lot of mental headspace taken up with crap things like smoking and coffee.

For a long time I have been using Rescue Time which tracks my time and activity on my computers. So things like email, facebook and twitter get blocked when I am meant to be working. I am amazed how much time I sometimes spend on facebook when I think I have just popped in!

I always thought I was better in the morning than the afternoon but tracking my work pattern for over two years with Rescue Time has given me clear hard data on where I need to change!


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