Fear, velocity

My Fear Of Letting Go And Escape Velocity

So I stalled out for a few weeks writing here.

There has been a massive positive change in my life and work. BUT I feel like I’m balanced on the edge of a cliff.

And I know that instead of falling, I’m going to jump off and fly, but I’m having fear of letting go.

I am so scared of letting go even though the new work direction is a brilliant gift.

BUT — 50% of start up’s fail.

If it does not work, of course, it will be a kick in the teeth.

But I’ll learn so much, and I’ll go back to what I was doing at the beginning of the year.

BUT 50% of start up’s DON’T fail and I’m sure we’re in this half.

Jumping out of planes

It reminds me of two parachute jumps I did.

The first one was a static line jump with my sister and our friends.

We all bundled in a plane, and as we jumped the parachute opened automatically as we detached from the plane.

I was the last out the plane and could not let go.

The instructor shouted at me at the door of the plane, and ask did I want a push?

I bellowed, “yes, please!”

He shoved me, and I somersaulted backwards, and this meant my chute got tangled.

I looked up and panicked.

Then my training kicked in.

I grabbed each side of my harness and pushed them out and then moved my legs like I was riding a bike.

The parachute snapped back into place with a considerable jolt, and I landed perfectly.

The next jump

The next jump I did as a tandem, I wanted to do one more jump and then learn how to step out a plane on my own, something I’ve still yet to do.

The instructor for the tandem jump was well travelled and had six kids.

He was great to talk with and super cool.

He was so super cool that being a parachute jump trainer was the most boring thing about him.

We bonded well, and when we jumped out the plane, he somersaulted with me and then took ages gliding us down.

I always remember him telling me to focus and look at the world from this vantage point; you hardly ever get to see it like this.

We were hanging in mid-air, and I focused and took in the moment as he asked.

My 2020 big leap

I’m in a completely different place now to when I started the year.

In February, I went to Nashville to do the StoryBrand Guide training.

This was one of the most significant investments of my professional life, and it has paid off well.

I left Nashville determined to build up my coworking marketing consultancy even more.

Now we’re at the end of 2020 this is a very small part of my world and I’m focused on growing a remote company.

Communities that made 2020 happen

And as the global pandemic hit all the communities, I’m part of became more critical than ever.

We’d never trained for this or spoken about what we’d do if there were a global pandemic, but people bonded deeper than ever and supported each other.

Coworking Space Ilford

I got my fifteen-minute city dream, I moved into a new space near my home, it has a podcast studio, a live stream studio and an amazing view out the window.

See me and my son checking out the livestream studio here on Instagram.

I never thought I’d get excited about a coworking space in Ilford.

So I’ve moved job role, I’m using a Windows machine for the first time in a decade, I moved coworking space.

BTW – our living room looks like a living room again — in fact there are no screens in it at all, we don’t have a TV.

I sat on the sofa yesterday and felt 100 times more relaxed in that room than I have all year.

My Workhive Desk in the Sunshine

Screaming to stay put

Part of me is screaming for the identity of ‘Bernie the fearless freelancer‘ I’ve invested so much time and effort in over the last ten years.

Now I’ve been invited into this new company that has a banking licence, operates at an international level and connects coworking space software with AML and KYC checks.

Solving a real coworking problem

Our Cowork.tools platform automates some of the most pain in the arse things in the coworking industry, so it solves a real problem that real people have.

And all I have to do is market the whole thing and grow it here in the UK; I mean how hard can that be?

See all three of our products here:

Cowork.tools – AML and KYC and GDPR for onboarding new members for shared workspaces.

Velvet – collaborative payment platform for freelancers, YouTubers, podcasters and makers.

PayPugs – Manage all your global payments from a single-access, highly intuitive platform.

Hurting with change

I’m so up for this, but I’m hurting from all the change, which I know sounds nuts.

It always takes me ages to settle after any change.

I moved school a lot when I was younger because of my learning difficulties.

I never got a grip on school and was always playing catch up; I had fun but was always on edge.

Even today, when I go to conferences or travel to see family in Argentina or Spain, I get an anxiety attack on the first day.

Even though I’m always with people I LOVE!

Elemental Change

I’ve been chatting to Neil Usher and crawling through his book, Elemental Change.

It is about the company and team change, but parts of it connect deeply with dealing with my changes.

To listen to the podcast Željko, and I did with Neil last week – click here.

Coworking Values Podcast

One of the most significant life changes for me from the ‘12 Week Year‘book was leaning about Kelley and Conner’s Emotional Cycle of Change.

I can now recognise when I’m in the cycle; I still get anxiety attacks and spend hours vomiting.

But I can understand it is the unhealthy habit I’ve developed of coping with change.

On Friday, I was walking back from school with my son and talking about what anxiety is.

It is fantastic we can talk openly about stuff like this in our family, and he asks questions about how it works and why it happens.

Non Stop reading

Also, I am so grateful to myself for reading non-stop for fifteen years.

Books like:

12 Week Year

Daring Greatly

Why I’ve Stopped Talking To White People About Race

The 8th Habit

Marketing Made Simple

Built to Last

Escape Velocity

They Ask You Answer


…and hundreds more are helping me connect new and very scary dots every day.

TBH I was never quite sure why I was reading half of these books.

They are about things like strategy, product marketing fit, company culture, remote working or the ‘Toyota Way’ and I could never get enough.

Impostor Syndrome

Even understanding imposter syndrome — and I’ve never had this so hard as now — means I’m able to recognise it when I get an attack.

And I get an attack on a daily basis right now.

As I write this I’m thinking what am I doing?

But in the last fifteen years of blogging, writing emails, podcasting and everything else the most personal posts and the ones that connect with people the best, and in everything I do I’m looking for connection and deeper understanding.

The direction I’m heading now is not a million miles from where I was.

I’m still knee-deep in coworking, freelancing, marketing and community engagement and I need to be better than ever, and I’m loving it.

I’ll keep sharing about ‘How To Market Your Coworking Space the Simple Way’ here in articles, on my podcast and look out for the ‘How to use Story’ webinars coming up.

I’ll also share more about building our business and what I’m learning all the research we need to be doing in our corner of the coworking and freelancing world.

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