So there I was all full of '30 Day Blog Challenge' hype and suddenly is is 11:39pm and I have not done my words yet!!
I have been pleasantly distracted by watching Grubclub.com shoot past £60k on their crowd funding platform and also I am trying to connect with what happened today.
But first in an ideal world how do you start your day Bernie?
I get up 5:50am
Start to write at 6am and then get out the door with #Babybernie by 07:10am the latest and then can get to 90 Mainyard by 08:00am if I am lucky but always by 08:30am.
Why does that matter?
I work at my best in the morning, not just at my best but my super powers are at the height of their power and that gap between 8am and 10am is peak productivity time.
You might look in horror at what time I get up and write but most people who are interested in what they do, particularly creative people wake up and start easily. When I worked in catering I'd LOVE to get into the kitchen early and listen to the breakfast show on the radio while preping for lunch - then when lunch came I'd enjoy working and keeping on top and then running out the door by 3pm.
These days I do crap work after 2pm. I read a blog about 'work like you are on holiday', work in a really focused and intense way for a set amount of time and then chill out.
I have been working in 90 minute blocks and that has really helped. I would even state that it is really working.
Yup - the combination of 40mg of anti-depressants, around a year and a half of therapy and recently mediation and mindfulness has really helped.
I now I am way past the worst of it I am starting to reconnect with myself and connect with #Babybernie and #supercoolwife even more.
I was worried about loosing that connection on more than one occasion, depression made me numb and isolated - these days I can't wait to get home and see them.
Other times I'd be craving time on my own and find it hard to focus, then when I got home all I'd want to do is sleep - these days I have to make myself sleep!
In fact I have become a big fan of sleep and have totally gone of TV and Netfix - I hope that comes back when House of Cards #3 starts...
Anyway:
So today I got out the house late, the buses all drove past the bus stop as they were full, one of the only disadvantages of living by a tube station.
It was 07:30am and the traffic was deep on the roads and even more shit was most cars had just one person in them...
We were late and I started to have a mini meltdown in the comfort of my own head.
I could not understand why I was panicking so much about running late.
I'd get there, no one would die and I was up to speed on my projects.
I was missing the 'golden time' I 'have' - notice I wrote 'have' to get a strong start to the day - then it cemmments my confidence for the rest of the day.
In the past I have sustained a reputation for being unreliable, being on time was always a luxury for me and these days I am often in the right place and even at the right time.
As I reflected on it I was worried about going into remission - stepping back into old ways that were not all good - and also now I know that those old ways were shrouded in depression, doubt, anxiety, lack of self worth and lack of commitment.
Anyway - I missed the midnight dead line by two words - back to the start.
