A time machine would be great today… Working Out Loud Day Two

Yesterday I mentioned (and hoped no-one had noticed) about working out loud. 

Actually I don’t give a rats arse if you read this or not, this is my commitment to myself and putting my balls on the line. 

There are so many places to start. 
I really don’t want to write and publish this as it is in direct conflict with my HUGE plans yesterday. 

But it is the truth. Which often hurts. ANYWAY…

1. It is 15:25 here in the UK and I have only just switched on my computer. ‘Sensible me’ is SCREAMING ‘check your email!’ I need to write this post first, this post will fly as my head is clear. If I check my email and then write this post NOTHING will happen. 

2. Today did not go to plan. I have a huge cough, slept really badly, #Supercoolwife slept even worse as I was coughing and snoring in my sleep like Father Jack in Father Ted. We all woke up late and I felt like someone had injected me with an elephant size dose of Absinthe. I felt so ill I bailed on my beloved Monday morning kickstart #coworking breakfast @90mainyard

3. So we get out the door. We had all got everything ready the night before so this was a slick operation. #Babybernie and I leapt on the bus, have a good laugh with our neighbour who is always racing with him in the street. We miss our stop, we are both zonked out on each other and have gone five stops before I realise. I did not have time to top up my Oyster card and we have to walk back, I never realised there were so many stops so far away from an Oyster top up point. 

4. I drop #Babybernie a nursery, somehow it is 10:15am already! Tempted to throw myself under a bus but this feeling only lasts for a few seconds. However, I am picturing my beautifully manicured Google calendar and Trello list  for today – it is melting like a chocolate Eiffel Tower left too near an open fire at Christmas time. 
Then I stop and accept where a I am. Which is bloody well easier to write than it is to do. I focus on getting the therapy at 11am.

5. Therapy – 11am every Monday morning on the Romford Road. 
I can’t tell you what my therapist is called, so we’ll call her “Amelie” we have met nearly ever Monday for nearly a year now. Sometimes I walk out energised and sometimes I walk out like I have been given the worst news ever. Please note: I give the news not Amelie. 
Today I thought was energising, but it was zapping, which is why it is past 3pm today. (Don’t worry listeners – I have used my time constructively today!) Amelie (the therapist) is French and her accent makes me take the session even more seriously – in a good way. Right away I said look out for my charming-charm-charm smooth-charm-cheeky-chappy-come-Labrador thing. It is hiding stuff I have been sitting on for nearly 
20 years and unless you challenge me fast we won’t get anywhere. 

6. Moving on…
I don’t mind telling you about Therapy, but it is keeping me from what I need to do, mainly as it is much more fun to blind you with that than what I am going to do. 

7. Head out my arse. 
I need to get cleaned up fast, I start listening to James Altucher’s book “Choose yourself” I heard him on Mitch Joel’s podcast earlier this year and loved his take on the world. 
As I walked out of therapy I counteracted the exhaustion with this book. 

8. Felt like I should start a new point here 
We bundled #Babybernie off to my sister and her family for a rock ‘n’ roll weekend, he loves causing trouble with them.
I was burnt out, when I am burnt out I start looking at the ipad as a way of keeping #Babybernie occupied, even though I know Lego, cooking, walking and drawing are much better for everyone. 

9. Shouting at #Babybernie
In over two years I have shouted a #Babybernie once, maybe twice. I think shouting is the worst thing you can do with Children, unless they are about to jump off a cliff or open an aeroplane door during take off. It takes a lot of self control, when I was younger I was constantly frustrated and had a very short temper, when people shouted at me it did two things. 
1. fucked me off even more. 
2. confused me even more. 
Often when people are shouting at you they shout the nine things in quick succession and don’t give you time to think about what action to take.
One line from a book that has been branded to the inside of my eyelids ever since I read it is from Stephen Covey he is talking about how we approach relationships, how we dominate to avoid domination, he delivers some examples and ends with “and when you have children, are you going to take them on too?” 
This put the fear of something in me. At the time – about 10 years ago – when I read this it occurred to me that I had been in a power struggle with my Dad for ever. Not a big one, I was always doing some dumb one up-man-ship on him, he was just trying to communicate with me and I was so busy being a wise arse that he very rarely got through. 

We have a lot of fun with #Babybernie and so does my Dad, it has taken a long time for me to break my communication habits with my Dad so I can have a really good conversation with him. I am far from perfect with either my son or my father but being calm and clear with how I am with them is very important to me. 

10. So…. and saying NO.
This is nearly a typical Monday for me. Until now I have always been in huge panic at this time of day on a Monday.  
However, I am going to quickly check my email, I am ready to get out the door for TAGtribe Breakfast @workhubs tomorrow morning followed by two podcasts. 

I am working hard to leave large gaps of time so I can get everything done to a level it should be. 
A couple of weeks ago was the last week of ‘accidentally saying yes’ to stuff that was not core. 

I still have 8 podcasts to publish which was my main job today. Then I will be able to sleep properly!

Anything you need to tell me please do.

It has taken until now to really reap the reward. 

I have to shoot now but I’ll leave you with this photo from the London BIM Live! event and Boy George and Amanda Ghost singing Time Machine – How I’d love a time machine! Or would I? 

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