I think I am finally there.
While we were up on a mountain in Italy for the OuiShare summit a lot of things came together for me.
At one point I was chatting and said I am not sure why I came, even more so, I brought #babybernie too and he did not know why I came either.
So the headline is that I left full of a calm zest and purpose.
What should have been the end of the road again for me turned into one of the best months in my life.
I would even dare to say that I woke up after a long sleep and had everything I needed.
So what happened?
This is tricky to write, I don’t want to piss anyone off, or give you the impression I have lost my marbles and have swallowed 10 copies of that shit book The Secret.
I got fired from a project – don’t worry the person who fired me from their project is reading this – I decided to stop doing a few things that are NEVER going to happen and to start doing a few things that are always NEARLY happening.
Reading this must be torture – I promise you writing this is even harder. It’s like telling your Dad you are gay when you are not really sure yourself and still hope he’ll lend you his car after.
Where was I?
Since Emily and I first dove into the Podcast / Webinar thing back in 2011, the two projects that have never gone away are the ‘Sharing Economy Radio’ or OuiShare Radio as it is known now and also this blog, which I started back in 2007 on Blogger.
I have ducked in and out of projects, deals, start ups, events and while up the mountain I just thought – fuck it – lets do that.
I am sick of the whimpering and daydreaming in my head about what could be, if only I had time and when I have done this I’ll be able to do that.
Being really depressed for a couple of years made me grind to a halt and look at how I run my life and, on a deeper level, why am I here and all that bollox.
It did occur to me that writing about what you are working on and it not working out is a tad smarter than writing about how it did not work out after it has not worked out and someone going – you should have asked…..
Being ‘Bernie the depressed’ has been a tough ride but I am done with that now.
When June did not go to plan, I sat in a chair and did not look for a railway track to jump onto or a bed to crawl into for a week – it occurred as a sign, opportunity, opening, kick in the head.
So it is going to be really tight for a couple of months – the goal is to make this site make money and to build the OuiShare Radio – both are set up, so are ‘on-going projects.’ My idea is to try stuff here and if they work then use them on OuiShare Radio.
The question is not ‘who is going to pay me?’
It is how can these projects be sustainable, generate value and in turn generate revenue.
This is a ‘choose yourself thing’ and there are smart ways to make money that I just need to have the balls to try, I am so afraid of someone telling me I was wrong or I should have got a job, it is sometimes crippling.
However cool we might think we are, we slip into these patterns we have been conditioned by society to follow. I am always amazed at the amount of people who work in tech companies or Start Up’s who function like they are an episode of Mad Men when it comes to leadership, marketing and just living.
90 Days Of Massive Action – Choose yourself
So what does this look like Bernie?
Ok so I have been cheating a little bit, or maybe overthinking it.
I sent out this question – “What am I good at and how does it add value to you?” You can answer here
This boosted my confidence 10 fold – it then occurred to me how fucking annoyed I get at people who ‘have a gift’ and then don’t use it – so this exercise alone helped me skip 6 months of gazing at my navel waiting for my muse.
Then I have the blog you are reading set up on Rainmaker and it is a soooooo easy to use to both blog and podcast, so not pissing around there.
I have also been thinking, reading, thinking, reading, taking part in, publishing, consulting, running events around blogging, podcasting and the sharing economy for five years now. I am ready.
- I have listened to ‘Do the Work’ by Steven Pressfield for 18 days in a row now – and I am going to keep going – it has got me this far.
- Choose yourself by James – I went back and listened to this and it was the punch in the face I was looking for.
After reading these two books I jumped out of the plane and pulled the rip chord.
- 90 Days of Massive Action – One of the first self development and leadership authors I read a lot of and did not puke was Michael Heppell – in one of his books he talks about the 90 Days of Massive Action model.
(I would go and find the book title now but I’d stop writing – I’ll post it later)
This 90 Day model also came up when I was in the NRG Master Mind group – the problem was I could never work out what to put in it – of course this was because I did not have a clue what I was doing and the other members in my group patiently nudged me along to think harder.
- Fancy Hands virtual assistant service I have been using this since 2011 – in the last year I have REALLY got the knack of it – for instance I am writing this and will then send it to them to get proof read and loaded onto my site.
Of course I can read it and load it – but this is a block for me, I’ll over think it and play with my site – Fancy Hands – BANG done and I am onto something else.
90 Days of Massive Action will take me up to the 14th of November 2015 – this is only counting weekdays – at the weekends I want to unplug!
AND just to scare myself into action I am blogging about what I am doing everyday – in that ‘Working out loud’ type way that I have been craving for over two years.
Saying that I am not sure how you are meant to do it.
I know I am on to something this time. I went to therapy today and my head REALLY hurt. I’d lost the gift of the gab, the back of my eye’s kept contracting so that they felt like when you are squinting into the sun or are about to cry.
It was hard to clear my head and put a sentence together for my therapist Amelie. Today was not about stress and chemical imbalances in my brain, it was not about being lost, broken and stuck.
Today was about having all the ingredients and having to start, or pick up where I have left off.
Ok, I have to go, Bernie what are you looking to achieve over the next 90 days…
- Get engagingpeople.wpengine.com blog and podcast rocking – making money and adding value to my tribe.
- OuiShare Radio to be sustainable, connecting the OuiShare community, projects and communication the collaborative economy.
- Work out loud and share the journey on this blog and podcast and share the learnings in my Echo Workshop on content marketing.