So I had to admit defeat when it came to training for the London Marathon and the race itself. Rather than walk around looking like a woman on the verge of nervous breakdown for the next six weeks I bit the bullet and admitted it was not to going happen this time.
I called my mate Chris, from Publicate.it to ask his opinion of the situation. Chris is one of those people that ‘squeezes’ in a couple of Triathlons each weekend, he was being nice but I could tell where his true advice lay. Don’t.
The thing is this had no doubt I could finish the London Marathon (that I’d been training for so badly) what I could not deal with was the stress of so many things at the same time and seeing as I was running it for MIND the mental health charity I am a fan of I figured they’d understand.
The purpose for running was to motivate myself into fitness and ‘well being’ but instead it was causing me anxiety and stress. When I feel a small glimmer of stress I pause and go into ‘maintenance mode’ – this is waaaay different to ‘hide under the covers mode’. Mike ‘the Godfather’ has now spent a couple of years teaching me how to slow down before I speed up, this is often while we watch our children hurl themselves from climbing frames in the park on Saturdays while our wives are tucked up in bed resting.
On the same track – a lot of you will know Daniel who has spent years talking me into giving myself permission to slow down, sometimes even lie down, to let my head settle. Not so much in a ‘zen budda’ type way, more in a ‘listen to your body’ type way.
Of course I can find a lot of comedy value in my depression, but I can assure you it is lot easier to be depressed on your couch watching NetFlix for two days straight when you have worked out how to give yourself permission to unplug. Or said another way – you are not beating and cursing yourself inside with guilt and ripping your own brains apart rather than resting them to get better.
I had got going and could feel the fear and anxiety along with the magic and drive. This was all in my head rather than an accurate reflection of my body and by running round our local park a few times a week I would be able to get into shape in a steady and gentle rise. However, I had got to the stage where I was too scared in my head to run in case it highlighted how far away I was from from fitness. I dropped out before I had to drop out.
I will sign up for next year and continue training, well at least start training! As soon as I was free from this year I was totally motivated again recently I got into the BulletProof diet and have started to reconnect with the part of me that enjoys running and pushing myself for my own good, my motivation around cooking good food has increased and my lust for coke and bacon sandwiches has declined – sorry Erson!
Staying alive a bit longer is top of my list these days. I love life again now and been able to talk myself back down off of the ledge properly. It is more amazing than you might be able to imagine to no longer dread waking up in the morning, while I am in this space I am going to keep building and maintaining my body and soul, and of course stop what I am doing to rest if I need to.
I picked up the Bulletproof diet and coffee from the James Altucher podcast when he interviewed Dave Aspery about Body Hacking and BulletProof Coffee, I was immediately intrigued and have since become an enthusiast. However, if you ask #Supercoolwife I have become a cult member – albeit a thinner and sharper thinking one – I’ll report back on the level of my excitement in a week or two.