Sitting at a railway station…
Well, I am not actually – it is just the song in my head.
I have just about managed to stop feeling that my world will fall apart at the end of the next hour.
That feeling left a few weeks ago and I am here in Vigo sitting outside a cafe owned by an Argentine who is happy about the win last night but pissed about the way the team are playing overall.
I am not into football but the last time I remember the England team getting anywhere in the World Cup Gazza, Lineker and Hoddle were on the team – and Gazza cried 🙂
Talking of crying… I’ve become very aware in the last month how things happen and that take minutes to solve and this time last year would have set me off in a dramatic spin on my death slide for a week.
It seems stupid now, why would I take a week to get over a phone call?
These days I am so cautious of the “death slide” winning I am am constantly training and flexing my happy muscle to combat it.
Which is different from my ‘pretend everything is great muscle’ – this became so highly trained that it took over.
The happy muscle is the one that stops having it’s own agenda, being attached to outcomes and does not have tantrums.
I have sat in therapy for a year talking about how I get confused, panic and don’t understand what is going on. I am now bored shitless of listening to this, I am not making light of it – this is very serious for me – think about it I have spent around 45 hours talking this over with someone and I have bored myself into action.
I am more honest with myself and able to look at why I am having a little strop.
I’d hate you to read this thinking I was perfect and have it all sorted out, but think about it – why do you get annoyed, frustrated, confused and screw up?
I don’t know either. But there are less of all those things in my life.
One of the best things has been meditation, people suggested this to me a lot last year, I did try but I think I was shit scared to sit with myself for a few minutes. Having a manic and desperate head was my comfort zone, it was horrific (in my head) but I knew how to live with it. Or I thought I did.
Someone ask me this week how I was
I was able to answer them ‘bloody brilliant!’ – With the same zeal of Phoo Bear falling into a pot of honey.
I stopped and thought just after, for the first time in YEARS I believed what I had just said.
Life right now is great and I just know it is going to get better….
– I am seeing more of #supercoolwife and #babybernie than ever before.
– I am getting paid to blog and podcast and about topics I love and believe in.
– I am working in remote teams all over the world in different lanagues, this means my Spanish is slowly getting better at last!
– I am totally head over heals in love with the people I work with and the projects we are on together.
– I get to travel at least once a month. – Travel is energising and travel is the only thing you buy that makes you richer.
– Everything is significantly less dramatic, seems simple and enjoyable.
Less is more
A few years ago Leo Babauta visited London Bloggers Meet Up, Julie Hall was raging about his book and I thought he was a San Francisco new age hippy. Turns out he is a San Francisco new age hippy with a nitro charged – intel core 7 million processor…. Sorry ran out of ideas there.
I totally agreed with less is more, why wouldn’t you?
However, I have only just got to work it out for myself and I am sure I’ll write that line again soon.
Over the last few months I have been slicing stuff out on my life, ruthlessly and then ruthlessly again.
If it does not fit into Mygooi, Ouishare or 90 Mainyard it’s out.
This was a little scary at first because I have trained myself to seek opportunities and not turn down money.
When in fact turning down work and saying no and being ruthlessly super strict in this respect has made life even more enjoyable and rewarding.
This week in Vigo is the final break with the past, I left in a hurry last week and my head was melting a little bit.
This week I have organised my focus again, mainly by running up and down a beach with my family and eating gorgeous food. I have also been writing outside a lot.
The photo in the post is Judy Rees and Neil Brook leading out Ouishare collaboration workshop – a day of slowing down to speed up for me.
The spot is a few minutes walk from @90mainyard and when I get back I’ll be lying there working more. I have become mad about space in my head and in my environment luckily I am right by a big space.
I have to run now – #babybernie and I have an urgent appointment with the park.
Sent from my mobile device – please excuse typos