Suddenly it all seemed to fit into place.
I’d been feeling very crap, lacking focus and felt overwhelmed all week, actually all month, maybe even all year.
My head hurt, my body hurt and I just blurred out most days.
I’d slipped into everything slightly being someone else’s fault, which even if it is someone else’s fault is a crap place to operate from.
I wondered how long I’d been walking around with people going “do you think he realises?” The strain must show in my face, I am always playing catch up and I know I look like shit. I am happy, but keeping the show on the road is killing me. I need a break. Having so many things only just work in this year was starting to take its toll.
It is amazing how much time slips between knowing something and acting on it.
The day before our son was born I took part in a very intense coaching exercise of which the outcome identified my quest for clarity and writing. This is what I had to do. The thing I had always wanted to do was write and when I do write I am really good. SOMEHOW I manage not to write as often as needed to get results. Those results range from happiness to insight or just a pay cheque.
Every time I send one of my “silly emails” I get work, every time I write a really good blog I get a result. Every time I write I get more insight, I get a feeling of progression and completion.
Having writing as a quest is a dam good quest. I could have been granted something really lame. So after banging my head against a wall and walking round my house being very ill all day the answer came.
When I was younger, so much younger than today I had a quote from John Lennon on my wall that said “Life is what happens when you are making plans.” Suddenly nearly a year and a half has shot by since the day before our son arrived and there seems no chance of it slowing down.
Life is very urgent, I looked at my sisters Facebook profile picture today and it is of her and my niece. Only my niece is the same age as our son in the photo and now the said niece is in the second year of school. In 10 minutes she’ll be getting married and I’ll be sending her a toaster.
I am going to read Linchpin by Seth again this week, we have made that the topic of a Late Late Breakfast Show next year. It is a very important book and a solid inspiration for me.