Introduce negative people to each other and then run away.
Last year I was having breakfast in the kitchen at 90 Mainyard with Tori and started a sentence “Look I know this is a bit cruel and negative but I have to say that xxxx” She stopped me and asked well if it is like that why would you say it.
I did stop and thought bloody hell, I do that A LOT. (Even though I don’t think I do.)
It is as bad as when people say “Look, I have got nothing against {insert ethnic, sexual orientation, religion race group here} BUT, they are all coming over here….”
You have got something against ‘them’ so just be honest.
Anyway where was I?
So I thought about it, I like it when people make me think – if really hurts but so few people really do the uncomfortable sensation is worth the lesson.
This week I have been reading “The Power of No” by James Altucher and Claudia Azula Altucher – one of their killer suggestions is a ‘No Complaint Diet.’ I was in right away.
Why? Of course it is nice not to bitch, moan, be a thunder cloud etc. My reason is more than that.
I have not time for it. Of course I don’t like it – but I simply have not got the time to listen to people bitch and moan – this is different from people who need a shoulder to lean on VERY different. After returning to health and Argentina life has got even more urgent, if I am listening to you moan (actually even talk) about TV I know I have something better to do – like go to the park with #babybernie and #Supercoolwife.
The Elevator pitch
One example Claudia gives is how people moan in elevators, like it is in the ‘social contract’ get in an elevator and you have to fucking moan about the speed of the lift, weather, traffic. If it was your last second on earth would you fill it with a moan like that.
Also I firmly believe, even before Tori pulled me up on my words, that we create the world through language – example:
“How are you Bernie?”
I could answer:
“Not too bad”
“Great!”
“Shit”
The worst one is “not too bad” WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
I have a mate who is dying of a brain tumour right now and MAYBE I’d let him get away with that answer.
Children are stupid. Except they are not.
I get flack from people for this but I REALLY believe it is important how we speak to our children. Every so often I will say “for fucks sake” to #Babybernie – but I WILL NOT call him “dumbo” or “slow coach” or “fat-so” or any of those ‘harmless things’. It is really hard work and inconvenient to think of ways to reframe the situation. I read a book about “questions” that helped with this, instead of ‘telling’ him something I ‘ask’ him – it is a slow process and often he does not give a shit – why should he? We are getting there and this feels like a better route than shouting at him.
Also #Supercoolwife is highly a highly skilled parenting professional so I have learnt how to put my crazy parenting protocol into reality without mentally damaging him.
What creating the world through language is NOT:
Too often in the past people have asked me how it is going and my default trigger setting was “Excellent” partly because I am a HUGE Bill and Ted fan, but mostly because I was conditioned to put on a happy face no matter what was happening. This is not a positive attitude this is delusional.
On of the most profound ‘cures’ for my depression last year was sharing with people how I really felt, it was and still is heartwarming how many people jumped in and connected with me a deeper level. I’d say the combination of becoming a Dad at the same time as a lot of my mates and having a bout of depression has enabled me to grow a stronger bond with people in my life. Of course I would be nice to miss out the depression bit, my mate Judy frequently reminds me that no one has got any where with out a few decent down patches.
In my own heart I feel that when we are down we need all the energy we can get. My brilliant mate Mike made the point early last year that when you are depressed you have no ‘energy reserves” so you think you are ok one day and then crash the next.
After I had crashed a few more times I got what he meant, not because I am dumb – because I think we have to connect with these things ourselves to understand the point. I thought I had started to say no and then I STARTED to say no – it took a year. And the card in the photo stuck to my screen (thanks Doug Shaw!)
Then at the end of last year, kicking and screaming Elena managed to help me surrender a few more things that I was holding onto, like a life raft. Part of saying no is letting go.
Here is the deal:
If you need support – ask – I love to help people, if I don’t know what to do I know someone that will – I promise.
If you are full of the need to moan in a lift just to fill the gap, if your glass is half empty even if the sun is out, if you construct sentences without thinking about them and they are all negative – please avoid me.
I am on a no complaint diet.
Sent from my mobile device 😉
